My week in Lalmonirhat

This past few weeks I had the opportunity to hear many Bangladeshi women’s stories and also personally experience what it is like being a women here. However, it must be considered my experiences are vastly different than local women because I am foreign and tend to get treated differently.

While in Thakuragon, we had the opportunity to meet with an indigenous women’s forum. When asking these women if they wanted any other kind of support from RDRS they stated they wanted help with their kids school supplies and also wanted to learn income generating activities to help support their families. Their response surprised me because it was a selfless request; they wanted to work to help provide a better future for their family. Instead of feeling helpless about a future faced with poverty they had pride for the forum they were part of, and hope and plans for the future.

Another interesting experience stuck in my mind when visiting a government hospital. When visiting a female patient who had taken a drug to have an abortion the doctor said we wouldn't know about anti-abortive drugs because we were not married.  Every female patient in this hospital we visited was “18 and married”. The legal age for marriage here is 18 but in rural areas girls are often married as young as 12 years old. At a hospital in a different district the doctor told us what he guessed was the true age of the women, they often say they are older, and it was shocking. We met a young woman who at 18 already had two babies.

While in Kurigram, I met with about ten male pharmaceutical representatives and I asked about opportunities for females in the pharmacy profession. I was told that the job would be too hard for a woman because they work long hard hours and they did not have female colleagues. However, they said some women work in the pharmacy industry in Dhaka.

This past week in Lalmonirhat, we visited the home of a young woman who had been part of the rehabilitation program. At 12 years old her father married her off but her husbands family started pressuring her family for a larger dowry and abused her when they did not receive it. She was part of a women’s forum so she knew to contact RDRS to get help. When RDRS took her husband to court he disappeared and has not been charged and the divorce has not been finalized years later. With her training at the center she was able to start a business sewing to help support her family, she has even trained five other girls in the village to sew. Her father told us he was worried she would not marry again and was planning on marrying off his other daughter who was only 14. I found this super frustrating and upsetting. He witnessed problems when his older daughter got married at 12 years old but he was willing to repeat this with his younger daughter. When asking members of the village about arranged marriages we were told that only 3% of their marriages are love marriages. Our translator told us the story of her love marriage, which she is very proud of because she had to work hard to marry the man she wanted. Before coming here I was not aware that arranged marriages were so common and that dowry abuse was a problem.

It was also an interesting week because both the district coordinator and community health program coordinator treated the women on the trip very different than the one male. We were introduced as Evan and team and all questions and concerns were directed to Evan and they expected him to make all the decisions. When they wanted to take a picture, it was of Evan at the project site. The situation was so foreign that I found it more funny than anything because poor Evan was the focus of so much attention. However, these men are educated and hold high positions in an organization that focuses on empowering women. I believe trying to have a successful career here is a lot more challenging and I have a renewed respect for the women who have careers and especially those who have influential positions.

Yesterday we visited a college in the Lalmonirhat district. We were told that woman’s tuition was free but 60% of students were male and 40% were female. I began talking with one of the staff members and he told me about how girls were allowed to rides bikes 15-20 kms to get to the college. He seemed to have an interest in empowering women and when saying goodbye I was surprised when he shook all of our hands, he was the only man in the room to do so.

The last four weeks I have had the opportunity to meet so many new people and share stories and experiences with them. The women I have met have all been very sincere, proud, and friendly and I feel so privileged to have heard their stories- both the sad and happy ones.